whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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