What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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