So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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