I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
