We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
