I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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