you guys were way drunker than both of me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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