I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
