batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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