wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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