if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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