some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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