sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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