OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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