They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
