not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
