do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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