im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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