Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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