Im at strip club and am horny
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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