my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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