uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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