i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
