lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
