you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
