Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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