I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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