This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
