Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
