Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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