I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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