I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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