why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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