I think I won the penis lottery.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
