Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
