It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
