My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
