Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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