she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
did you just send me my own nude
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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