so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
