Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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