You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
