i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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