I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
wat bout pragnant strippers??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
