At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
