He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
