It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
