Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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