I bet he comes in French.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
