Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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