Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
