I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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