I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
