how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
These tits shall not be calmed
as a side note pls kill me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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