Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
